Raise your right hand and swear after me,

“We will invade any country anywhere, even on only suspicion that they might be harboring terrorists or weapons of mass destruction (and irregardless of what our allies and the international community think). We will vote to disallow gay marriage, when it is one of the most fundamental of human rights. We will fight tooth and nail assault weapons bans, that no serious hunter or even gun nut needs to enjoy (never mind all the mass killings in which these kinds of guns have been deployed). We will know nothing about the rest of the world yet exercise our military power with feckless and reckless delight (after all, we’re the greatest ‘force for peace’ the world has ever seen, and we have selective amnesia for all the destruction that Democratic and Republican presidents have sown).

We will denounce voraciously any foreign leader (such as Hugo Chavez or Evo Morales), who attempts to take profits out of the hands of our corporations, and put them into the hands of poor and working people. We will fight for ‘right to work’ laws in our own country, so that no such ‘socialist’ policies gain ground on our hallowed, sacred land. We will shred the Constitution and the civil liberties that it provides, while spitting on the graves of the Founding Fathers; because the terrorists (our own citizens), must be spied upon at every turn. If we are unable to overturn Roe v. Wade by packing the courts with ‘strict constructionist’ anti-American justices, we will make every abortion doctor our mortal enemy until death; just as we’ve done with every adherent of evolution.

We will hang our confederate flags prominently, proudly displayed outside our doorsteps; as an emblem to anyone who does not personally know us, to show passersby and other outsiders exactly where we stand. We will choose our leaders because of where they come down on religious, and so-called ‘moral values’ questions, not on their resume, intelligence, foreign policy experience, and kindness evidenced towards their fellow man. We will bring the church of Jesus Christ our lord and savior, into our government that has a long and deeply held Constitutional barrier against our glorious savior’s church. We will excommunicate all ‘others’ from our homeland, while building walls and constraints to keep all the dark skinned, unrefined peoples free from our lands.

We will work to not allow any questioning of dear leader, or what the corporatocracy says, save for Wednesdays and Tuesdays when dear leader will ceremonially set aside this executive level prohibition (nearly everything now is executive level as the other branches are kept merely for nostalgia, and to allow Senator Byrd his annual lecture on the anachronistic Constitution). We will disenfranchise as many minorities from their God given right to voting on each and every presidential election day. We will set up lawless vigilante groups of ‘vote challengers’ at precincts throughout the country to accomplish this illustrious and glorious task.

We will bombard the last remaining bastions of ‘liberal journalism’ with scurrilous letters to the editor attacking liberals for all manner of trumped up high crimes and allegations such as libel, slander, traitorism, pacifism, and other sordid, anti-social acts. We will synchronously repeat all RNC dispatches of right-wing talking points to the state sponsored media, and other comradely ‘journalistic’ allies (Fox News Channel, Wall Street Journal). We will put party before country, we will put ideology before community, we will divide based on race, religion and gun issues; and we will, in general, work to make America the greatest country in the world, that because of our firmly held pride in ignorance it has already become.”

Congratulations, you are now a member of the United Right-Wing Gestapo of America.

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